The Colorado Avalanche have yet to re-sign Mikko Rantanen who is currently a restricted free agent. Things are heating up on that front now that Finnish floorball team Nousiaisten Ryhti has offer-sheeted the right wing forward, offering some very compelling–and ridiculous–compensation in return.
The players Colorado would receive in compensation are Joel, who’s very skilled at collecting “balls/pucks from the rink/ice after practice,” although he is “without any brain activity,” and Tommi, their oldest player who has a “quite cute daddy-belly.”
Nousiaisten Ryhti play in Rantanen’s hometown of Nousiai. The team is also throwing in a bag of floorballs for general manager Joe Sakic. How can Sakic and the Avs refuse all of that?