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The Russian Machine Happily Presents Anti-Pens Artwork

Look. We’re not going to sugarcoat it, we freakin’ hate the Penguins. A vengeful, angry hate. As a small lad, I vividly remember staying up until 3AM, only to watch Petr Nedved score a 4OT goal against the Capitals (shown below) which subsequently knocked my favorite team out of the ’96 playoffs. Did I cry all night and not sleep? Did I fail a test in middle school because of this?

Ugh. Take it down!

Sadly, It’s not just one singular event that has scarred me this bad. The Caps have lost in the playoffs to the Penguins 7 of 8 times including last year’s horrible Game 7 which Peter wrote about last night, and mentally I’m just completely jacked up because of this. Maybe the players aren’t. But I am. I remember 2 years ago, I went to see a Caps Pens game at the Verizon Center. What happened? The Caps jumped out to a 4-1 lead (scored the first three goals) and lost to them in a shootout 5-4. Did I start wildly punching a Verizon Center chair in anger when Crosby sealed the game with his shootout goal? You bet I did. Did I boo him everytime he touched the puck because I thought the NHL was giving him preferential treatment over Ovechkin? Damn straight.

Well now since I’m considered an adult (barely), it’s time to be more mature. However, that does not apply to our readers. A few days ago, I asked our fans to send us their Anti-Pens artwork, and boy did they respond. Below the fold, check out some of what was sent out way. Remember, laughing and trying to humiliate our opponent is meant to be a therapeutic way of letting out our anger. And no, this probably isn’t work appropriate – so beware!!!!

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By Ian Oland 12 years ago

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Game Diary: Caps-Pens Game 7, A Somber Remembrance
The Caps Lose to The Penguins in Game 7 - Ovechkin and Crosby Shake Hands

Springtime was magical. Puck fans watched with rapt attention as the Capitals overcame a 3-game deficit to beat the Rangers, and we felt like we were living in charmed times. “Could this be the year the Caps actually do it?”, we would whisper to ourselves in quiet corners.  The team never looked better than it did during those last four games against New York, and we wondered how far it could go.

We would gather at our friends’ houses, donned in red, and we would cheer the team from afar.  Tickets were just too darn expensive, so we’d need to pick our game well. Not attending wasn’t an option. The team was too good to miss. Semyon Varlamov had risen from obscurity to become the Kerri Strug of goalies (that is, lithe and successful). The trifecta of Semin, Ovechkin, and Backstrom had turned D.C. into a veritable hero city. Mike Green and his ever-shrinking mohawk was weaponeering his defense. And a young team rallied around its senior Russian, Sergei Federov.

So when the Caps moved up two games over the Pittsburgh Penguins in the conference playoffs, we knew it was our time. We would secure tickets to the Caps Stanley Cup finals. But everything started to go pear-shaped, and we began to worry if such a series would arrive at all. The Pens snatched the next two games, and we were in a pickle.    My friends and I advanced our schedule and procured tickets to the tentative game seven of the Pens-Caps series.

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By Peter Hassett 12 years ago

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Wednesday Webhits: The Frost King’s Links Of The Week

This week we’ve got a the guys who take the most punishment on the ice (hits), a better save percentage using an adjustment for the penalty kill (which puts a certain Caps’ goalie in pretty good company), the snipers who score goals more than one would expect, and a look at which Conference is stronger and what that means for who could end up in the Stanley Cup Finals.

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By 12 years ago

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Caps Beat Wings 3-2 Thanks to Theo!
Jose Theodore Shuts Down Red Wings, Caps Win 3-2
#needsmorebradley We think yes.

#needsmorebradley We think yes. (AP Photos)

EVEN LATER UPDATE:  Lisa Hillary comments have been clarified.  Varly’s involvement in the Olympics is “doubtful”.  This is definitely a more pessimistic take than others are sharing, but not completely dire.

LATE UPDATE:  During the post-game report on CSN, Lisa Hillary reported that Semyon Varlamov has had another setback in his recovery (groin, then MCL strain).  According to CSN, Varlamov will NOT be playing in the Olympics.

Every year, the Detroit Red Wings are a staple of the playoffs. It’s a truism of hockey that to get to the cup you must first go through them. For the bigger part of tonight’s hockey game, it looked like the Washington Capitals were not up to the challenge. But there’s a new truism — one that the Capitals have coined– that strength comes from depth. Through the efforts of low-key players like David Steckel, Matt Bradley, Jose Theodore, and Nicklas Backstrom (okay, he’s a superstar); the Caps came back to win a crucial game.

Let’s review shall we:

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By Peter Hassett 12 years ago

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T-Shirt Tuesday Part III: Be A Part Of The “inSEMINation”
inSEMINation T-Shirt

Our last t-shirt of this crazy four t-shirt day (see our 3 new Bruce Boudreau T-Shirts below) is a doozy. And by doozy we mean terribly inappropriate and probably should never be worn by anyone ever. Seriously. Leave our website, we’re awful people. Like we didn’t even make this one in kid’s sizes for fear someone in a Maryland Private School might be expelled. But sadly, there is an audience for this type of trash, and the Russian Machine must abide.

So with that positive introduction out of the way, we bring you our newest t-shirt, appropriately titled the “inSEMINation.” Available in Men’s and Women’s sizes. Where did we get this idea? Why did we even make this? Well, obviously the Russian Machine is partial to his fellow Russian Superstars on the Capitals. So when anyone says something glowingly or creative about one of our players, we must act. Immediately.

During the Capitals 5-3 beatdown of the Flyers, Heather Blumburg blurted out this beauty of a tweet to celebrate a goal by Alex Semin, which immediately got our attention. We were so impressed, we created this t-shirt in less than one hour after we saw it.

As a side note, yes, the Capitol building shown here is meant to be a phallic representation of where most of Semin’s most ardent supporters reside: Siberia Washington DC. And yes, we considered putting a white 28 above the dome, but it was just too distasteful distracting from our typography on the bottom.

So for those girls in College who want to party and impress their current hockey-loving boyfriend with your knowledge of hockey and the human anatomy, this shirt’s for you. And no, I’m not eagerly awaiting the “Stay Classy, @russianmachine” tweets when I sign back online onto Twitter. Sigh.

By Ian Oland 12 years ago

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T-Shirt Tuesday Part II: The Gabby Series
Bruce Boudreau WTF T-Shirt

If you’re Bruce Boudreau, you’re livin’ large. You’ve got a Book Deal, a budding acting career, a Bobblehead, a Jack Adams Trophy, and the two-time NHL MVP on your team. How could life be any better? It’s hard to say.

But realistically, even with all of those luxuries, you’ve still got some problems. BIG problems. Like your GM just signed a guy barely playing NOW to a two year contract, you watch your team get beat up every fight it accepts, and your number one goalie has been out half the year with a multitude of weird, crotch-related injuries.

So if you’re feeling like Bruce is feeling after your “other” star winger gets whistled for another offensive zone penalty in the third period, then protest along with Gabby, and buy our WTF T-Shirt, available in Men’s and Women’s Sizes. Also available in Blue and White in Men’s and White in Women’s.

Protesting bad ice, a flat beer, or a nasty breakup with your girlfriend after you find out she’s cheating on you with the Capstronaut, has never been easier – or more stylish with this tee!

Want to see the rest of our Gabby T-Shirts in this series? Take a look below the jump.

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By Ian Oland 12 years ago

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T-Shirt Tuesday Part I: People AND Dogs Love Our T-Shirts
The first dog to ever sport a RMNB T-Shirt

Yes Fido, you are suffocating in Awesome!

Another T-Shirt Tuesday is among us my friends. And this week I learned something that I never thought I’d know: How a dog looks in one of my T-Shirt Designs. Wow. The look in his eyes says it all: Please kill me now! I’m suffocating in Awesome!

We wanted to extend a huge thanks to Reader Courtney for modeling our entire line of T-Shirts and to our good friend DookFn who became the first person to invade Verizon Center with one of our Tees! I mean hell, they’re no Chad Dukes (meaning they know something about hockey), but we’ll take what we can!

To see everyone who has modeled in our t-shirts thus far, please join our Facebook Fan Page and take a look!

Check out all of the new photos below the jump and yes, this is your cue to buy yourself a RMNB Tee and support your fellow starving artists.

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By Ian Oland 12 years ago

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The Significance Of Blogs In The Mainstream Media

CAPTION

Seriously. Someone buy this newspaper!

Allow me to break into the excellent coverage Peter provides on the Capitals to discuss the significance of blogs in the mainstream media.

I am a newspaper reporter, so it may surprise many of you that I even know what a blog is.

The general consensus of blogger nation seems to be that newspaper reporters don’t understand online media, and that’s why our industry is “dying.” I bring this up because the folks at Camden Chat ripped me apart for a negative column I wrote about how much the Orioles are going to stink this year. Basically, one of the commenters said negative columns like mine are the reason why the print industry is dying.

Allow me this rebuttal.

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By 12 years ago

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Alex Ovechkin Discusses Penalty Shot Strategy, Free Wings, and Ray Emery

Our friend Fedor Fedin translates Alex Ovechkin‘s interview following the Sunday’s Flyers game.  Below A.O. discusses shooting strategy, breaking a bad stat, and free wings.

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By 12 years ago

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Laich lifts Caps Over Flyers! 5-3
Brooks Laich has a monster day as the Caps win 5-3 over the Flyers. (AP Photo)

Brooks Laich has a monster day as the Caps win 5-3 over the Flyers. (AP Photo)

When the Caps last met the Flyers, the blood had to be squeegeed off the ice. The December 5th 8-2 smackdown might have been the nadir of the Flyers’ season, and we sorta knew they’d bring everything they had to today’s faceoff. Unfortunately for the Flyers, that “everything” included goalie Ray Emery. By the end of the first period, the Caps had figured out the Philly netminder and began a steady treacle of goals for all sixty minutes. Notably, Brooks Laich emerged from a long goalless streak (in regulation at least) to drive two pucks behind Emery. Caps win, 5 to 3.

Let’s break it down:

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By Peter Hassett 12 years ago

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