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Bet: Dale Hunter Leaves the Caps Before Mike Knuble Does

Ian and I have made a new bet. We’re gonna share the details with you because a) it’s timely considering Knuble is a scratch again, and b) last time I didn’t pay up so this is like leverage.

The Bet: Peter bets Ian that Mike Knuble will last longer with the Caps than Dale Hunter.

The Stakes: $22 (USD) and one (1) lunch at Chick-fil-A.

The actual text of the bet is after the jump. I really think Ian is going down this time.

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By Peter Hassett 12 years ago

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RMNB Week in Review: The Week From Hell

Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

This is probably not a week that you want to remember in great detail, things didn’t go, uh — exactly as planned, but don’t worry, we’ll whip right through this quickly and painlessly and move along, there’s another game tonight, so there’s no time for moping. The Caps went 1-3-0 this week with losses against the Lightning, the Canes, and the Sens. Sad trombone. And just because a TSN commentator chose to utter the words “How could things get worse for the Washington Capitals?”, Alex Ovechkin also suffered a lower-body injury, didn’t participate in multiple team skates, and missed the game in Ottawa. Despite all this, the week did end on a good note when Ovechkin caught the Brooks Laich fever and unexpectedly declared himself ready to go, and then promptly scored against Montreal in a game that the Caps won. It’s a huge relief that it ended well, but I think most of us are just glad this week is over.

Elsewhere in the NHL, lots of other people were having bad weeks too. The day after it was revealed that his “upper-body injury” was probably a concussion, Jonathan Toews crashed his car into a pole, Pavel Datsyuk had knee surgery that will put him out for two to three weeks, Vincent Lecavalier is out indefinitely with an upper-body injury, and the Maple Leafs goalie tandem is testing their franchise’s patience, Jeff Carter, on the other hand, had probably about the best week that he’s had in nine months as he was traded out of Columbus to the LA Kings, which is good news for him because it’s probably exhausting to keep up a sulk for that long.

In case you were wondering the most important question, though — how does everything in the world apply to the Washington Capitals? — we’ll break it down for you after the jump.

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By 12 years ago

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RMNB Week in Review: Ovi is a Rock Star

John Carlson “Zaching.” (Via Captain America’s Twitter)

This week, the Caps went 0-2-0 against the New York Rangers and the San Jose Sharks. They were outscored 7-6 and used two different goalies while Tomas Vokoun was sick with the flu, recalling Braden Holtby on Monday for his first NHL appearance this season. Sadly, that was all the hockey for the week, and the Caps had three days off so that they could talk about their feelings, bowl with season ticket holders, and get into the “Zaching” trend. Unfortunately, the week ended with Alex Ovechkin and Dennis Wideman getting into it at practice, but nothing heals like winning, so it’s time for the Caps to start doing some of that.

Elsewhere in the NHL, the Flyers acquired Nicklas Grossman and the Sharks acquired Dominic Moore, the Anaheim Ducks are making a serious run for the playoffs, the Preds were confused about whether or not they’ve won the Stanley Cup, Caps ECHL affiliate Stingrays got some attention for a really weird goal, the Red Wings broke the all-time record with 21 straight home wins, and Jaromir Jagr turned 40.

If you’re still wondering the most important question — how does everything in the world relate to the Washington Capitals? — we’ll break it down for you after the jump.

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By 12 years ago

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Happy Valentine’s Day from RMNB

It’s February 14. It’s not just some random day that the Hallmark corporation picked out of hat so they could sell greeting cards. It’s actually the Christian co-opting of a pagan festival all about horny werewolves and blood and copulation and cool stuff like that. Now, instead of lycanthropes and sex, you spend 30 dollars on roses that will wither tomorrow.

If you’re in a relationship, prepare to disappoint your significant other. If you’re not in a relationship, revel in your solitary despair.

(I’m single, by the way.)

Behind the jump is a lovely and full-sized picture by Rachel Cohen, featuring Dmitry Orlov, who scored last night and is handsome enough to probably do the same today. Also a video.

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By Peter Hassett 12 years ago

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RMNB Week in Review; Playoffs in February!

Playoffs? Yes! I’m relevant! (Photo by Mitchell Layton)

This week, the Caps went 2-1-1 with a shutout win against the Habs, a loss against the Bruins, another shutout win against the Panthers, and a stupid, terrible, highway robbery of a loss against the Jets. They outscored (!!!) their opponents 10-6 and came away with 5 of 8 possible points. Brooks Laich went down in the middle of the Bruins game, only to return to the ice apparently unbothered by devastating knee injuries like a normal human would be. Vokoun pitched two shutouts, peaking with a 42-save shutout of his old team, the Florida Panthers and ending with a .953 SV% for the week. A few weird things happened, and most of them seemed to go against the Caps, but some of them worked out so much better than we expected. The Caps are in 9th place in the conference as of today, but they’re dead even in points with the Panthers with only more game played, and if the Caps keep trending upward in shots and chances, they’re probably going to be all right.

Elsewhere in the NHL, Scott Gomez finally scored a goal, it’s a dangerous season to be an NHL coach, the Red Wings/Maple Leafs Winter Classic was officially announced, officially humangous big, Max Pacioretty reminded us that hockey players are generally pretty great guys, and Sharks great Owen Nolan retired.

If you’re wondering the most important question – how does everything in the world apply to the Washington Capitals? – we’ll break it down for you after the jump.

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By 12 years ago

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RMNB Week in Review; Three is a Magic Number

Pic by Clyde.

This week, the Caps went 1-1-1 in 3 games with a loss against the Hurricanes, a win against the Boston Bruins, and a wild overtime loss against the Penguins that had a bit of fallout, to say the least. They were outscored 8-10 but managed to come away with 3 of 6 available points. The week also saw Alex Ovechkin suspended for 3 games, Mathieu Perreault scoring 3 goals for his first career hat trick, and hopefully saw the last strike of the 3-0 shutout boomerang for awhile. It was a crazy week to be a Caps fan, but when the dust settled, the Caps are sitting at 3rd place in the conference, and will stay there for the duration of the All-Star break. You knew you should have paid more attention to those lessons about foreshadowing in high school English class.

Elsewhere in the NHL, Tim Thomas snubbed the President, Antero Niittymaki wasn’t informed he was on waivers, Semyon Varlamov may have lost the Avalanche starting job for now, NHL should just rename it the Backup All-Star Game, and Evander Kane was accused of dining and dashing.

In case you were wondering the most important question–how does everything in the world apply to the Washington Capitals?–here’s a helpful guide to what’s terrible this week.

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By 12 years ago

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RMNB Posted a Million Times Over the Weekend

Since we were so busy over the weekend, here’s a quick summary– in case you missed something cool.

Whew.

By Peter Hassett 12 years ago

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RMNB Week in Review; Alzner Fights, Ovechkin Raps

Photo credit: paparazzi.ru

This week, the Caps went 3-1-0 against the Lightning, Hurricanes, Islanders, and Habs, and if you asked someone who they thought was the only team to beat us, they would probably be surprised by the answer. Despite being outshot 77-136, the Caps still managed to outscore opponents 9-7 and take 6 of 8 points. Especially if you blindly ignore that Tuesday ever happened, it was a pretty good week.

Elsewhere in the NHL, a compelling case was made for wearing helmets in warmups, Mrs. Pronger made us sad about Chris Pronger again, Brian Elliott was re-signed in St. Louis, Chara and Alfredsson were named captains of the All-Star Game, Rangers owner James Dolan apparently has no idea the Stanley Cup is not awarded in January, and Ryan Kesler and Alain Vigneault had a lovers’ quarrel.

In case you were wondering the most important question–how does everything in the world apply to the Washington Capitals?–here’s a helpful guide to what’s terrible this week.

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By 12 years ago

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Russian Machine Never Breaks: We Suck, 2011 Edition

We just finished basking in the glow of our successes in the past year. Ahhhh… Yes, that was nice.

But now it’s over, and we must look ourselves in the mirror to see the billion things we have screwed up over the past year. We’ve got a huge collection of embarrassments and goof-ups that should have shamed us out of blogging altogether. But we’re shameless. You already knew that.

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By Peter Hassett 12 years ago

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Russian Machine Never Breaks: The Highlights, 2011 Edition

Grab a chair, pour a ginger ale, and put some soft jazz on the hifi. We’re about to take a leisurely ride through the world of RMNB 2011. Today we’ll be looking at the good stuff today, and the really awful stuff we’ll see on Friday.

In 2011 we published more than 470 articles that more than doubled (206%) our traffic from 2010. Our readers (i.e. you) stay longer on our site, view more articles (102.5%), leave more comments (119%), and correct our grammar more than ever before. We climbed above 5k followers on Twitter (mostly spam bots), and we are now flirting with 6k. We’ve got around 3600 people liking us on Facebook, most of whom are just trying to win the swag Ian gives away every game. We started a tumblelog, where almost 500 people follow our silly pictures and quotes and other stuff that doesn’t fit on the main site. We’re working on a pinterest page, as soon as we figure out what that is.

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By Peter Hassett 12 years ago

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