Posts by Peter Hassett

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About Peter Hassett (@peterhassett)
RMNB co-founder, editor, publisher, writer. Responsible for RMNB's serious journalism, scurrilous nonsense, quantitative analysis, and qualitative feelings.

Laich lifts Caps Over Flyers! 5-3
Brooks Laich has a monster day as the Caps win 5-3 over the Flyers. (AP Photo)

Brooks Laich has a monster day as the Caps win 5-3 over the Flyers. (AP Photo)

When the Caps last met the Flyers, the blood had to be squeegeed off the ice. The December 5th 8-2 smackdown might have been the nadir of the Flyers’ season, and we sorta knew they’d bring everything they had to today’s faceoff. Unfortunately for the Flyers, that “everything” included goalie Ray Emery. By the end of the first period, the Caps had figured out the Philly netminder and began a steady treacle of goals for all sixty minutes. Notably, Brooks Laich emerged from a long goalless streak (in regulation at least) to drive two pucks behind Emery. Caps win, 5 to 3.

Let’s break it down:

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By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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Russian Machine Sometimes Breaks: Your Awfully Frequent Caps Injury Update
The Washington Capitals suit up to play the Philadelpha Flyers today at Verizon Center.  And wouldn’t you just know it?  We’ve got some injuries.
  • John Erskine is still out with an upper-body injury. Erskine (pictured below) hasn’t played since the Thrashers game on the 9th. Johnny hasn’t been a bit off since around Christmas, so we’re hoping this rest will give him a chance to recharge his batteries.
    John Erskine and his flesh-colored hair are out tonight.

    John Erskine and his flesh-colored hair are out tonight.

  • Brian Pothier didn’t skate at yesterday’s practice at Kettler, so we suspect he’ll be out again tonight.  Pothier sustained a rib injury during the Panthers game earlier this week. That leaves us with two D-men missing in the line-up.
  • So here comes Captain America himself: John Carlson. The star of the WJC had a pretty good game (2 shots) against the Leafs on Friday, and he’ll probably play tonight. Does anyone else get the feeling we’re looking at the future of the franchise?
  • Hershey Bear Karl Alzner will probably rejoin the Caps next week, but until then we’ll probably have to make do with Tyler Sloan on a D-pairing. After that, Tyler can get back to earning a massive paycheck for doing pretty much nothing.
  • Russian machine Alexander Semin was a gametime decision on Friday night. While his wrist continues to bug him, he got the clean bill of health and snatched up two points. He’ll probably be on the ice tonight, and he’ll certainly get a hat trick.  He’s due.
  • Wednesday’s pugilists, Shaone Morrisonn and Jason Chimera, sustained no injuries from their (totally awesome) fights. Chimera came to the defense of a battered John Carlson at the end of the Leafs game and could have faced suspension for an instigator penalty in the last five minutes. The white wizards of the north in Toronto decided that this wasn’t a case of thuggery and message-sending, and will not be enforcing that suspension. Chimera will be playing tonight.
  • Finally, Semyon Varlamov remains on the mend, nursing an MCL sprain. We’d love to see him by Thursday’s Pens game, but we’ll probably have to wait until next weekend. At least he won’t have to hang himself.

This afternoon’s matinee begins at 3 PM. The Philadelpha Flyers continue to be a team in crisis, but I wouldn’t count them out. There’s something honorable in their struggle. Of all the Caps’ rivalries, the Flyers are the only team I WOULD pee on if they were on fire.

By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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Caps beat Leafs 6-1! Five points for Ovie!
Caps Beat Leafs 6-1 - Five Points For Ovechkin

The last two Caps games have had us reeling. We suffered a wild beatdown from the Lightning on Tuesday, replete with spats and brawls, and then a soaring come-from-behind win over the Panthers, also punctuated with fights. Returning back to the Verizon Center for a game against Maple Leafs, you’d think the Caps would offer us a reserved performance of surgical offense and careful defense. Instead we got a bronco-busting, goal-splattered free-for-all. We’re not complaining. Before the third period could end, The Caps and Leafs showed us a series of spats that could tide us over for weeks. The final frame of this heavyweight bout devolved into a fight of Greene Turtlian proportions. If our boys weren’t ahead by five goals, we might have been a bit sour on how it played out.

Let’s dissect the fight hockey game:

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By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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Comeback! Caps beat Panthers 5-4 (SO)
Tonight Mike Knuble joined the ranks of officiater-haters everywhere.

If I told you that tonight’s game hinged on Brendan Morrison (no goals since 12/23) and Brooks Laich (no goals since 12/28) scoring, you probably wouldn’t have been optimistic. If I told you that of five back-to-back game pairs, the Caps lost the second game four out of five times, would you have a good outlook for tonight? Well, forget you, dude. The Washington Capitals proved their depth of talent and character in a stunning come-from-behind shootout win over the Florida Panthers.

It could have gone very differently. After last night’s– let’s just call it a hosedown– the Caps could have lost their  momentum and zombie-shambled through the rest of their trip down south. One could argue that Tuesday showed the Caps’ self-detonating: losing their composure and revealing their myriad flaws.  I think instead they showed grit and character in that loss. The Caps left Tampa last night with some scrap of dignity and, bouyed by Matt Bradley, a renewed sense of teamwork. That spirit was paramount in Sunrise.

The first period opened like we all feared it might. The Panthers led 2-0, and the Caps’ offense was absent. Michal Neuvirth’s puck-stopping came up short.  Stop me if you heard this one before.  It seemed like Florida would be able to coast to an easy win over thebestteamevertoplaythesportofhockey. But no. Not tonight. Not under the new reign of Captain Alexander Ovechkin and his merry men. The boys mounted an epic and late-brewing comeback, earning a teeth-clenching shootout finish. On the back of Tomas Fleischman, the Caps fought for this win.

If you can’t tell already, this game is the bizarro version of last night’s game. Let’s break it down.

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By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Bolts Beat Caps 7-4
CSN+'s broadcast of tonight's game was almost as ugly as the game itself.

CSN+'s coverage of tonight's game was as ugly as the game itself.

My job is not easy tonight, friends. This game obeyed no laws of hockey that I know to be true, and it shakes me to my very core. The Tampa Bay Lightning take two points and a victory away from their 7-4 win over the Washington Capitals, but they leave questions and doubts in the minds of Caps fans worldwide. For starters, wtf just happened?

Let’s get this over with:

  • Lil Goalstopper Supreme Michal Neuvirth was tested relentlessly in the first period, and he was found wanting. He delivered a couple great stops, sure, but four pucks got past him. Neuvi-not-Neuvy can share the blame with an incompetent defensive force, but he certainly earned the hook Boudreau offered him after the first period.
  • Nicklas Backstrom has a reputation for being a self-disciplined playmaker, but tonight he flipped the bill. Backy gave up two poorly timed penalties and created no plays.
  • Mike Green scored two great goals and flirted with the Hat to no avail.
  • After a missed call, Alexander Ovechkin got into a brawl with Tampa Bay right winger repeat offender Steve Downie. The two split minors, but upon exiting the box Downie instigated another fight. Kapitan was dropping his gloves when all of a sudden
  • Matt Bradley, who is probably the heart and soul of this team, takes his boss’ spot in the fray. I guess Brad could not allow the games best weapon to be locked up for another penalty. That’s a real team-player move, and we commend him for it. If we had a sense of humor, we might even make a joke. For his heroism, Bradley was given a game misconduct.
  • David Steckel and his baby face even got in on the fight action. For some reason the Eddie Haskell of the Caps agreed to drop gloves with ultimate warrior Zenon Konopka. Steck put his dukes up, and landed a lovely first cross, but that was pretty much it. The refs must have decided to break up the fight when Zenon’s arms got tired.
  • The Bolts grabbed 4 power play goals. Excepting a few bright spots from Brian Pothier, the Caps’ defense were inequal to the task of stumping Tampa Bay’s …electrifying… offense. (You know we’re unhappy with the game when we let a horrible pun that like that make it to post.)
  • Here’s a bright spot. The Caps led shots on goal 16-5 in the second period. We’d like to think that Ovechkin roused his teammates from sleepwalking through the first. In the same manner, we suspect it was Captain Caveman who led the team into the barfight-on-ice that concluded the game.

There’s more to say about this game. As Master Blogger Ian “Oland-is-the-kind-of-hammer-you-want-on-your-back-end” (and yes that’s a Craig Laughlin quote) Oland said, tonight felt like a few dozen games strung together. Frankly, we’re demoralized. The Capitals got outplayed and outfought for fifty nine minutes and fifty nine seconds. We’re thankful that the officials handed out a mercy kill and spared us that last, grizzly second.

The Washington Capitals have THREE more games to play this week. Tomorrow night the boys from Chinatown will drag their bruised carcasses to Sunrise, Florida. Here’s the part where I usually say something optimistic, but it’s hard to be plucky when your favorite team just got beaten up– figuratively and literally.

By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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Eat It, Canada! Caps Beat Sens 5-2

If tonight’s blistering win over the Ottawa Senators is emblematic of anything, it’s our team’s enduring hatred of Canada (America Junior). Yeah, the country’s teams have been problematic for the Caps all season, but Canada really bit off more than it could chew when it overlooked the best defenseman in its country, Mike Green, for the 2010 Olympics. Taken with Tuesday’s victory over the Canadiens and John Carlson‘s OT goal to win the World Junior Championship, tonight’s beatdown is the icy punctuation on the Caps sentence: Eat it Canada. Eat it hard. Eat delicious buffalo wings.

The Caps have been caught unawares in the first period for the past two weeks, but tonight they broke the habit with a goal by… wait– what? Boyd Gordon? We didn’t even know he was playing tonight, and all of a sudden he’s the first on the board. Joined by vet Mike Knuble, the Caps ended the first frame with a two-point lead. The team cooled off, as it alway does, in the second period, but they came back with fury unleashed in the third. The Verizon Center was crackling with energy all night, and we look forward to a report from Ian “blogpocalypse now” Oland on his visit all night.

Let’s do the bullet points.

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By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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Russian Machine Sometimes Breaks: “Groin is Good”
Semyon Varlamov's junk is no longer the problem.

Semyon Varlamov's junk is no longer the problem.

As the east coast prepares for another storm, the Washington Capitals suit up to face off against the Ottawa Senators.  And guess what?  We’ve got some injuries.  Stifle yourself.

  • Brian Pothier is expected to return to play tonight after recovering from a broken rib.  I’ve never had a broken rib, but I hear those things hurt like the dickens.  Imagine if you have to sneeze.  Yowza.
  • Quentin “Crazy Eyes” Laing is out tonight.  Apparently, he’s got some bad bruises he acquired from blocked shots recently.  I’m searching my memory right now, and I can’t recall anything remarkable from Quentin that doesn’t involve diving in front of flying pucks.
  • Semyon Varlamov continues his period of convalescence and unibrow-gardening.  Varly injured his jock over a month ago, but has since played a game with the Hershey Bears to test his progress.  After the game it was reported that he had another “lower-body injury”.  The hockey tradition of using these vague euphemisms led us to believe that Semyon had re-injured his junk, but we were wrong.  Tarik reports that Varlamov sprained his MCL, but — and we quote — “Groin is good.” While we dispute that there is anything inherently good about  the word groin, we are ecstatic that Varly may soon be back in the Caps line-up!
  • Tyler Sloan, whose financial projections are looking rosy of late, will not be playing tonight.  Is he injured?  Not as far as we can tell.  With Laing out and Alzner back in Hershey, isn’t this exactly the kind of situation where Tyler could be used?  Or are we gonna let that $1.4m marinate for a little bit before we put him to work?

That’s it for now.  If there are any more updates on tonight’s players, we’ll be sure to mock them mercilessly right here.

In other news, Blogfather Ian Oland will be at the game tonight.  My guess is he’ll be wearing one of our totally bitchin’ t-shirts.  If you see him, run up to him and kick him in the groin for me.  Cheers!

By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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Off-Day News Update

Verizon Center is quiet tonight, spared from hockey games and gun fights alike. Despite that, this is in no way a quiet day for the Washington Capitals.

  • As we reported regurgitated last night, David Steckel has signed a three-year extension with the Caps.  We like to see Steck happy, but we are curious of this deal’s provenance.  The left winger is a serious grinder, tallying only 5 points all season, and he’s the only regular player in rotation on the wrong side of the plus/minus ratio (-1).   As always, we defer to the infinite wisdom of GMGM, who will forget more about hockey than we’ll ever learn.
  • Everything I said nice about George McPhee just now?  Forget it.  Tyler Sloan has also signed a contract extension.  Sloan is a swingman, which we think means he is good at neither offense nor defense.  When the Caps had a blueliner meltdown last week (Jurcina traded, Pothier injured, Erskine erskined), Sloan still didn’t play.  Sloan is -2 this season, but that number means very little from such a small sample size.  You gotta think Bruce Boudreau and the Caps management know something about these guys we don’t know.
  • Karl Alzner has been sent back to Hershey.  Does this mean that Sloan will be on a D-pairing on Thursday?
  • Caps prospect John Carlson is the talk of the town today after his OT win against Team America’s Hat in the World Junior Championship.  He showed impressive composure and patience in that breakaway goal, opting to shoot instead of risking a pass (a lesson his future teammates might want to learn!).  Carlson’s play deserves to be on every sports show’s highlight reel this week.
  • Not-captain Brooks Laich was on the Elliot in the Morning radio show on Wednesday morning.  He assures us that everyone still loves Theodore.  We are assured of this.
  • Tarik El-Bashir reports that Jose Theodore will start in goal against the Ottowa Senators tomorrow night (WaPo).   After having warmed the bench for what seems like weeks, Bruce Boudreau says, “We’re going to need Theo to play and we’re going to need Theo to play good. We’re going to need Theo to get his confidence.”  I love BB and his garden-salad-y wisdom, but this is crazy talk.  Sitting the guy in favor of Neuvy the newbie does nothing but rob Jose of confidence.  Although I’m alone on this among the RMNB staff, I think Theodore is a terrific netminder, and he possesses one of the best glove hands in the NHL.  If he’s having a crisis of confidence, the team should show him support.  That means giving him ice time, and — once he’s out there– not feed him to the wolves.  Bottom line: if Tom Poti learns how to clear the puck in the next 20-odd hours, all should be fine.

That’s all the news that fits for tonight.  We’ll be back tomorrow night to chronicle the Caps’ thunderous 6-1 defeat of the Senators, and what we predict will be the team’s first hat trick of the season (by Matt Bradley).  Stay tuned to see if we’re right!

By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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C! Caps Beat Habs 4-2
Alex Ovechkin - Captain for the first time against Montreal
CAPTION GOES HERE

The Caps Are Now Undefeated (1-0-0) When Peter Wears His Russian Machine Never Breaks T-Shirt

Tonight The Washington Capitals began the second half of their (championship) season. Coming off a three-game slide, it was imperative that the boys show some aggression tonight. That they did– in a barn-burning 4-2 win over the Montreal Canadiens. The Caps now have a perfect record (1-0-0) while I wear my Russian Machine Never Breaks t-shirt.

Tonight’s game marked Alexander Ovechkin‘s first game as captain. We at the Machine don’t actually understand what this means, but we can say with certitude that the embroidered “C” looks totally bad-ass on his sweater. And while the difference the new captaincy brings to the team cannot yet be quantified, we know the Caps were a Brand New Team tonight. After a glut of lifeless play in the games following former-captain Chris Clark‘s exit, the boys were back in a big way at Verizon Center this evening. And the icing on the cake? Our boy, the controversial Alexander Semin, gets the lion’s share of the credit for the win tonight.

All that and more after the jump!

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By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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Ladies and Gentlemen, The Caps Rap

We at the Machine love dedicated fans who make stuff. Andrew Bowser, Michael Eller, Pedro Gonzalez & Pat Wood have created this fantastic video to bear tribute to what-we-consider-D.C.’s-only-remaining sports team.

Enjoy!

Name-dropping galore and some great cameos by GMGM, Brooks, Matt, Nicky, and Mike! I personally think some time should have been spent discussing Chris Simon and the mortal-freaking-terror he evoked during his couple of seasons with the Caps. Either way, ain’t nothing wrong with trashing the Penguins in verse, especially since they’re currently beating our team 5-3 (in consecutive losses). Congrats to the filmmakers for terrific work.

Happy Monday, Caps fans!

By Peter Hassett 13 years ago

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