If you ever needed another reason to hate ESPN (beyond Barry Melrose’s Hair, Holding Gary Thorne hostage, or introducing us to Steven A. Smith), earlier today they came out with their new NHL Power Rankings. Where did Washington rank?
Yes, ESPN ignored a ten game winning streak, where the Capitals plowed through the Flyers, Red Wings and Penguins like they were soft snow. Hell, ESPN even ignored their video-game-on-easy goal totals where the Capitals finished the month with 70 goals in 15 January games – 13 of those games were victories, 4 of the Free Wings Variety. Washington Post Columnist Tracee Hamilton even wrote about the team in this morning’s paper!
Since everyone is discussing on Twitter, please let us know what you think of the Mike Green suspension. What would you have done? Here’s the Russian Machine’s Take. Lastly, if you want to help Mike Green make up for the 81k he lost due to the suspension, please buy these autographed bobbleheads from his online store for $80!. We only need 1,000 of you to buy to make it happen. Easy.
[Our apologies. The Russian Machine cannot deliver its usual, happy-go-lucky game recap tonight. A dear friend of the staff, Sgt. David Smith, USMC; died this afternoon from injuries sustained during a bombing in Afghanistan over the weekend. Our pal Dave was only 25 years old.]
It shouldn’t take a tragedy to do this, but we are reminded that the comfort and safety we enjoy at home are ensured by a stalwart volunteer military. We offer our continued and profound gratitude to the men and women in uniform.
We promise to return to our regularly scheduled snarkiness tomorrow evening. In the meantime, we hope you enjoyed the Capitals’ 7-2 win over the New York Islanders.
[Ed. Note: Since the RMNB group members are stationed everywhere in this area except for DC and Northern Virginia, we again had to miss out on an awesome event run by the Washington Capitals. But lucky for us, fan of the Blog, and mini-celebrity of the day Emily Karol was here to bail us out with all the details, photos and gossip. Take it away, Emily!]
Emily’s Summary of the Event
This past Sunday, I was lucky enough to attend the first-ever CapsCare Casino and Auction. Let me preface this piece with telling you, I’m an actress trying to make it in this crazy world and only had enough money for a VIP ticket and nothing else. So sadly, I didn’t bid on any of the auctions and the $50,000 “fun bucks” they gave us remained in my program the whole evening. I forgot to trade it in for the 5 raffle tickets, eh… c’est la vie.
I booked a room at the Hilton Alexandria Mark Center for the evening. They offered a discounted rate for a huge room if you were with the Capitals and I knew I would not be capable of driving my car the hour it would take me to get back to Annapolis, MD. Anyways, Check-In for the event began at 6pm, with the VIP portion starting at 6:30. I was, of course, fashionably late and didn’t arrive until a mere 5 minutes before the VIP party began. The line was long and the ages ranged from 60’s to 21. (No one under 21 the whole event, there was an open bar after all. Two in the VIP room and four in the casino).
To our surprise, the Russian Machine awoke this morning (okay, 1PM) to quite possibly the greatest email he will ever receive since starting this blog a few months ago. It read, simply: “TheHornGuy is now following you on Twitter!” See below:
Yes, after multiple failed attempts to get his attention (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6), some soul-searching, giving up, and then trying again, The Horn Guy, el toot de extraordinare, is now following us. Commence celebrating… now!
Why is this important? Why are we so happy? Check out why below the fold:
Look. We’re not going to sugarcoat it, we freakin’ hate the Penguins. A vengeful, angry hate. As a small lad, I vividly remember staying up until 3AM, only to watch Petr Nedved score a 4OT goal against the Capitals (shown below) which subsequently knocked my favorite team out of the ’96 playoffs. Did I cry all night and not sleep? Did I fail a test in middle school because of this?
Ugh. Take it down!
Sadly, It’s not just one singular event that has scarred me this bad. The Caps have lost in the playoffs to the Penguins 7 of 8 times including last year’s horrible Game 7 which Peter wrote about last night, and mentally I’m just completely jacked up because of this. Maybe the players aren’t. But I am. I remember 2 years ago, I went to see a Caps Pens game at the Verizon Center. What happened? The Caps jumped out to a 4-1 lead (scored the first three goals) and lost to them in a shootout 5-4. Did I start wildly punching a Verizon Center chair in anger when Crosby sealed the game with his shootout goal? You bet I did. Did I boo him everytime he touched the puck because I thought the NHL was giving him preferential treatment over Ovechkin? Damn straight.
Well now since I’m considered an adult (barely), it’s time to be more mature. However, that does not apply to our readers. A few days ago, I asked our fans to send us their Anti-Pens artwork, and boy did they respond. Below the fold, check out some of what was sent out way. Remember, laughing and trying to humiliate our opponent is meant to be a therapeutic way of letting out our anger. And no, this probably isn’t work appropriate – so beware!!!!
Our last t-shirt of this crazy four t-shirt day (see our 3 new Bruce Boudreau T-Shirts below) is a doozy. And by doozy we mean terribly inappropriate and probably should never be worn by anyone ever. Seriously. Leave our website, we’re awful people. Like we didn’t even make this one in kid’s sizes for fear someone in a Maryland Private School might be expelled. But sadly, there is an audience for this type of trash, and the Russian Machine must abide.
So with that positive introduction out of the way, we bring you our newest t-shirt, appropriately titled the “inSEMINation.” Available in Men’s and Women’s sizes. Where did we get this idea? Why did we even make this? Well, obviously the Russian Machine is partial to his fellow Russian Superstars on the Capitals. So when anyone says something glowingly or creative about one of our players, we must act. Immediately.
During the Capitals 5-3 beatdown of the Flyers, Heather Blumburg blurted out this beauty of a tweet to celebrate a goal by Alex Semin, which immediately got our attention. We were so impressed, we created this t-shirt in less than one hour after we saw it.
As a side note, yes, the Capitol building shown here is meant to be a phallic representation of where most of Semin’s most ardent supporters reside: Siberia Washington DC. And yes, we considered putting a white 28 above the dome, but it was just too distasteful distracting from our typography on the bottom.
So for those girls in College who want to party and impress their current hockey-loving boyfriend with your knowledge of hockey and the human anatomy, this shirt’s for you. And no, I’m not eagerly awaiting the “Stay Classy, @russianmachine” tweets when I sign back online onto Twitter. Sigh.
If you’re Bruce Boudreau, you’re livin’ large. You’ve got a Book Deal, a budding acting career, a Bobblehead, a Jack Adams Trophy, and the two-time NHL MVP on your team. How could life be any better? It’s hard to say.
But realistically, even with all of those luxuries, you’ve still got some problems. BIG problems. Like your GM just signed a guy barely playing NOW to a two year contract, you watch your team get beat up every fight it accepts, and your number one goalie has been out half the year with a multitude of weird, crotch-related injuries.
So if you’re feeling like Bruce is feeling after your “other” star winger gets whistled for another offensive zone penalty in the third period, then protest along with Gabby, and buy our WTF T-Shirt, available in Men’s and Women’s Sizes. Also available in Blue and White in Men’s and White in Women’s.
Want to see the rest of our Gabby T-Shirts in this series? Take a look below the jump.
Another T-Shirt Tuesday is among us my friends. And this week I learned something that I never thought I’d know: How a dog looks in one of my T-Shirt Designs. Wow. The look in his eyes says it all:
Please kill me now! I’m suffocating in Awesome!
We wanted to extend a huge thanks to Reader Courtney for modeling our entire line of T-Shirts and to our good friend DookFn who became the first person to invade Verizon Center with one of our Tees! I mean hell, they’re no Chad Dukes (meaning they know something about hockey), but we’ll take what we can!
To see everyone who has modeled in our t-shirts thus far, please join our Facebook Fan Page and take a look!
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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